I Was Ready To Be Disowned
Coming out was the most stressful experience of my life. I felt stuck in the closet and depressed.I had realised I was gay five years ago after a long internal battle. There was a gay guy in school and he got bullied really bad, I didn’t want to risk being a target, so figured that life would be easier if I pretended to be straight. When I was at college I started experimenting, meeting men from dating websites, but I felt at war with myself. I started becoming a recluse and considered killing myself. In my second year of college I had grown my circle of gay friends and had come out as bi. I was dipping my toes in to see how my friends would react. They accepted me and after dating my boyfriend a couple months, I became more comfortable in my own skin and decided to come out to my parents.
I was ready for them to disown me. I had heard horror stories of this happening to other kids. My dad would describe himself as a “man’s man”, he serves in the armed forces, I thought it best to tell mum first. My mum understood and said dad would too but I had built a picture in my mind of him rejecting me. In the end it was fine, we told him together and it was nothing like how I pictured it. I thought this would get rid of my depression, but it didn’t.
A lot of the LGBT community struggle with mental health issues and although I had come out about my sexuality, I kept my depression hidden. It was only last year my doctor referred me to a counsellor and things are slowly beginning to get better. I am hopeful my mental health will improve in time and very happy I no longer have the worry of rejection for my sexuality.